37 Weeks

As we get really close to the end of this pregnancy, I’m filled with excitement and gratitude. Despite all of the physical problems and pain, I have felt led with how to spend my time and energy especially the last six months (post morning sickness survival) so that I, our home and family are as ready as we can be for the changes that come with a new baby.  I’m grateful that we have figured out how to live really well as a family of three; all of our needs and most of our wants our met.  We have a great groove and our household runs really smoothly and we have a lot of fun together.  We are thriving not surviving.  Although I have moments where I really just want this baby to come, really want Emily to finally be able to hold him after months of asking, really want to just sit around and hold our little boy, I also feel like each day we have as a family of three is a gift. I’m excited 99% of the time that he is coming, but every once in a while I realize that his coming is an end of a really great era of our lives with just Andrew, Emily, and me – and I love the three of us.  It is also a gift to putter away at the last few nice things on my list of to-dos before the baby comes.  For months I have fluctuated between 60-70 items on a daily basis.  Now it is down to the low twenties with not much to add.  I had four majorly huge projects that I wanted to complete in the last month and all but one is finished and the last one has been started and thought through and just needs time.  So he can come at any time, but I’m glad I can keep plugging along.

I’m grateful that Emily is so excited and yet so patient for her baby brother.  She has been a blessing to me as she talks daily about how each circumstance will be with the baby boy. This has been completely her own doing, but it has also helped me wrap my mind around eating with him, going grocery shopping, driving around, playing in the living room, making dinner, and bedtime.  If Emily doesn’t like the answer (for example, she would prefer he sleeps in her room in her bed with her instead of a crib in mom and dad’s room) she says, “Ask him” with a little head nod.  She also found a dent in the door that she said the baby will fix after he is born.

I’m grateful that Andrew is somehow managing his crazy semester. He finished his huge paper that was due this Wednesday that I promised I would not have the baby before he was done (because I have complete control, but it worked out!).  Now this baby really can come at any time and Andrew will survive. He also helped me install two carseats in our tiny car and Emily helped set up the pack n play in our room and wash all of the baby clothes, so in a practical sense we really are ready for him too.

I’ve had braxton hicks contractions consistently throughout every day since last Monday and contractions all night long on Wednesday that were uncomfortable enough to keep me awake but never felt like true labor.  I absolutely love the perspective that comes with baby number two. Although I have no idea what this labor will be like or how it will start, I am not so jumpy! With Emily, every contraction brought a rush of excited adrenaline and, “This could be it Andrew!!!!!”.  Not this time. Now I know we could really be three weeks away even with contractions every day.  I’m hoping this means that I may be slowly, and not painfully dilating so that labor will be much faster than 26 hours this time.  However, I also know that now that I’m not sleeping very much at all, it would be nice if this little boy made his appearance soon so that our one year of no sleep clock can officially start.

Bottom line, I love this little boy growing inside me so very much. I’m thrilled he is part of our family. I’m so excited for him and Emily to be the best of friends. I’m excited to get to know him and his personality. I’m curious if he will look like Emily or have a look all his own.  I’m dreaming of the moment (literally) when I get to hold him for the first time and feel the relief of knowing that our son is healthy, strong, and well. I’m looking forward to just enjoying life with my sweet girl and my little boy in a very simple manner for a few weeks (or months), trying really hard to just embrace the hard things and exhaustion that come with all of the sweet and tender moments.  I realized I’m a very different person than I was when Emily was born, having two years of personal change and growth that comes from motherhood and other life experiences, and that gives me a lot of hope and confidence that the second time around will be different and better.