It Is a Necessary Part of the Plan

There is something incredibly humbling at being at the mercy of others for so long. For four weeks we relied on my mom or Andrew’s mom for almost all of my needs as well as to take care of all the needs and desires of our children.  We have been relying on so many kind and generous friends for our meals.  We have been living by the prayers, thoughts, and support of so many.  We have been greatly blessed time and time again by those who followed the promptings of the Spirit.

This experience has been a necessary part of the plan for our family’s growth and development.  It has been a beautiful gift from God, and I feel incredibly grateful for the challenges of the last month. I firmly believe that we needed to be served so completely and for so long so that our hearts could be softened and changed.  We needed to learn from the examples of many and be taught of the variety of ways to bless another’s life.  We needed to know what it feels like to be helpless and gain some perspective and empathy.  We needed to be blessed with a vision of what our family can become and do.  We needed to learn to trust in God a little more and choose faith instead of fear.

As I read the story of the people of Alma this past week, I felt a great kinship with them in their experience with the Lord lightening their burdens and feeling comforted.

“Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage. And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24: 13-15).

I can also say with them that God does visit us in our afflictions, that he strengthens us, and that we can be blessed with cheerfulness and patience.

As far as the day to day living goes, we have now been full fledged responsible parents for five days.  When Andrew’s mom and sister left on Saturday I felt a small twinge of anxiety as to how we would do this on our own with me still not at 100%.  But the Lord had arranged for us to have help for four weeks and I don’t think he would have let us be on our own if we weren’t ready yet.

Andrew has a lot going on at the end of the semester so we decided Sunday night to just jump in and see what we are both capable of.  I woke up with a cold Monday morning that completely wiped me out for three days with my body already trying to do so much recovery.  It turned out to be rather pleasant – I sat on the couch with Nathan while Emily and I read books, played with her felt board, played with her kitchen, looked at our photoboard and I told her stories about each picture (thank goodness there are 100 to choose from!), ate some raisins and nuts for snacks, sang along to Christmas music, watched Emily dance to Christmas music, counted down for Emily to run across the living room, watched and suggested different animals for Emily to be (crawl like a cat, slither like a snake, hop like a bunny), and then we made it to lunch and nap time!

Emily has been incredibly pleasant all week and such a huge help with Nathan.  She is quick to throw me burp clothes, keep track of Nathan’s pacifier, join him for tummy time, and talk him into her games.  She is very gentle with him and very attentive.

I am amazed at the absence of fear or anxiety in my heart at being responsible for two children while I feel weak and unwell. I’ve been able to just sit and enjoy my two children and the little interactions that we have together.  I’m excited to see how being a mom of two is when I’m feeling better, but I’m grateful for how it has been going so far.  I have lots of learning and growing to do, but I know it will happen and we will get from surviving to thriving again.