Not Defined by a To-Do List

For the first 1 1/2 years of our marriage, both Andrew and I were full-time students.  We went year around, both working 20+ hours a week (at the same job – awesome!), and took really time-consuming classes.  It was very normal to be out of our one-bedroom apartment by 6:30am and not arrive home until 9pm, eating all of our meals on campus.  I loved that life!  I loved the full days and the feeling of accomplishment that came with falling into bed completely exhausted.

Then we moved to Sandy and I started student-teaching.  I also had morning sickness, so after a full eight hour day teaching teenagers, I would crash on the couch.  Our days started early, but my day also ended by walking into the door of our apartment.  I struggled having more time in the day but not more energy to use, but at least I could look back over my teenager-filled day and be satisfied that I did something.

Now we are in Indiana.  The second day we were here we took a walk around campus and it hit me that I was now living in a college town, on campus, and not a student.  I looked around for the first two weeks for a job (not a huge success at 7 months pregnant – not to mention it is hard to convince this tired body and brain that it wants a new job).  To top it all off, moving really took a lot out of me and I found that I was not capable of much more than making it from the bed to the couch with an hour or two of work during the day.  Kind of depressing when I thought about how BUSY I was 7 months ago, even 3 months ago before I graduated.

I was talking to Andrew last week about this abrupt life change and he made the comment, “You are not defined by your to-do list.” Oh boy, that is totally what I was subconsciously doing, defining myself by how much I did.  A line from a talk Elder Uctdorf gave last October popped into my mind.  A search on LDS.org brought me to “Of Regrets and Resolutions” with this insightful section:

Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life.

Is it?

The answer to this question in one word is “no” (although he has a much more eloquent answer).  The combination of these two thoughts have set me free.  I had the best week this week.  When I had energy I got things done that needed to be done around the house and worked on projects that I am excited about (more coming about that in the near future).  When I didn’t have energy I read or slept or just laid on the couch and did nothing.  At the end of the day, it wasn’t about how busy I was, but that I did what I could and that was satisfying enough.

I am not defined by my to-do list!